A Sinner’s Lament

Oh my God, Have you turned your face from me?

I feel afflicted and weighed down.

All my choices are bad. My decisions reek with sin.

I harm those on all sides of me,

and fool those who barely know me with my clever words.

Oh my Lord, my enemies do NOT surround me,

for they come from within.

Sin taints my heart and pulls me towards destruction.

My sinful inclinations keep me frozen in fear,

and any good I do is a waste.

My life is a war zone and my job, my only refuge,

as I find myself lost in the mundane passing of hours there.

my home is a place of destruction,

and my heart is the progenitor of its terror.

I have no excuses, words or tears.

I am a failure and a disappointment.

Oh, that death might consume me,

so those around might then find life.

Your presence feels as far from me now as it was when we first met.

I sense nothing, though I know you are near.

I feel no spark, though I know you exist.

Where is my hope?

The cross seems so far.

My hope must be in you, but I find no hope within me.

I distress and desire gluttony to be my comfort

I weep and want to be lost in strong drink.

I feel like a 1000 open wounds covered in salt.

Is there no relief in the midst of this agony?

Are you for me? Am I yours?

There are days I feel as if I belong to no one.

Not even Satan would welcome me with my complaints.

I have no high ground to end this lament on.

no firm ground to assure me.

The earth shakes violently beneath my feet.

I know my heart is weak, my head is heavy and my soul is troubled.

I know my strengths fades in the seconds that fall between the minutes.

I am undone.

I feel no hope, no rising up.

My faith feels gone, making all my past words seem like a joke

I have no other words except, Lord, please do not forsake me.

Do not let go in this moment of my soul’s desperate state.

That is all I have in this moment, do not depart, please..